Shame on You

A note from Gene...

Shame is an emotion that cuts deep and lasts long. I can vividly recall being shamed by a camp counselor when I was just eight years old. The counselor, Mrs. Magee, was serving us hot open roast beef sandwiches for lunch. I liked roast beef, but I had never had a hot open roast beef sandwich before. Anxious to try it out, I picked up a piece with my hand (like I would any other sandwich) and took a bite. In that moment, in front of all of my peers, Mrs. Magee scolded, “Gene! What are you doing? Who eats a hot open roast beef with their hands? Where’d you get your manners?” I was so embarrassed that I can still feel some of that shame. Fast forward to the corporate world where I find shaming as a commonly utilized corrective measure. I don’t think it’s particularly effective. Please read on to learn more.

Shame on You

"Shame is the most powerful master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough." ~ Brene Brown

You would not believe how many people have told me about the shaming behaviors they have either demonstrated or witnessed. It happens in all kinds of work situations – from the most mundane like when someone misspells a word in an email to the most critical like when someone misses an important financial target. Shaming is usually done in public. This is because a public flogging not only shames the individual on the receiving end but it places fear in the hearts of those who are witness to it. The reason this is done, I am told, is that people who are called out in this manner are less likely to repeat the mistake they made in the future. Hmmmm. I think I’ll challenge that thinking. It may surprise you to know that in some instances, shame does improve short term performance. But in the long term, the results can be very damaging. Employees will avoid future humiliation at all cost. They will defend themselves to others in private and put down the “leader” who delivered the shaming message. Bad news spreads quickly – trust is diminished, morale is lowered and turnover can increase. A highly effective leader sees problems as opportunities for growth and learning. In order to generate inspiration, creativity and enthusiasm (which is the primary job of leaders) they empower others, care deeply for them as individuals and demonstrate genuine respect for them. They provide them with guidance and the necessary skills to succeed. Shame has no place in a real leader’s repertoire of skills.