What's Love Got to Do with It?

A note from Gene...

As an Executive Coach, I spend most of my time working with highly valued corporate employees who want to enhance their ability to lead others. Early on in the coaching process, I often bring up the topic of love. "What," they often ask in amazement, "does love have to do with work?" They sometimes seem incredulous. I imagine that they're certain they hired the wrong coach. The truth is, the most successful leaders I have worked with understand the critical importance of love in the workplace. It is a particular type of love. The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary defines it as "unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another." Understanding the importance of this type of love and learning to create it in the workplace is the hallmark of a great leader and the focus of this article.

What's Love Got to Do with It?

"What we need is love without getting tired. How does a lamp burn? Through the continuous input of small drops of oil. What are these drops of oil in our lamps? They are the small things of daily life: faithfulness, small words of kindness, a thought for others, our way of being silent, of looking, of speaking and of acting." ~ Mother Teresa

I sometimes envision great leadership as a three legged stool, with each leg representing a critical competency. The first leg represents tactical strength. You've got to be an expert at the hands on aspects of your job. It is this type of expertise that typically unlocks the door to the leadership arena, but it alone doesn't guarantee success. The second leg of the stool is strategy. With this competency, people create a vision and a plan which, when implemented, has a significant impact on the business. Finally, the third leg of the stool, and the one most frequently overlooked, involves heartfelt connections with people – otherwise known as love. With this strength, the leader helps others to thrive, to feel empowered and driven. Their loyalty is boundless. Their productivity is supercharged. Without it, they function reasonably well at best, and poorly at worst. I can recall an interesting conversation I once had with a senior executive. He and I were sharing funny stories about the antics of our families during a recent holiday. We chuckled over a humorous story involving his teenage son and I bemoaned the embarrassment caused by an elderly aunt. After we were done exchanging personal stories, we got down to business – and we got a lot done, as always. When we were finished working, I commented on the fact that our meetings always started on a personal note - and then went on to the business at hand. He then shared this wise insight with me, which I have subsequently conveyed to countless clients:

"You know, Gene, there are two sides to business interactions: task and relationship. Some people lead with task, so you get to the work first and then, later on, you get to the more caring, personal stuff. Some start with the personal side and then get to the task. It doesn't matter which comes first, as long as you've got both in the mix. One without the other just doesn't get the job done."

How then, do great leaders integrate love into the workplace? Here are just a few of the things I see them doing, on a regular basis, to build strong, caring relationships:

• They Pay Attention - When you speak with them, they give you their undivided attention. No matter how full their plates may be, or how senior their titles, they always make you think they've got the time to talk to you and that you, in fact, are the only thing that really matters at that moment. They never look at their watches or check their emails. They are fully present.

• They Mentor Others - Great leaders take a real interest in supporting the development of others' careers (including the careers of those who do and some who do not report to them). They do more than inquire about their intended career direction. They help others to explore viable options and identify the competencies needed to realize them. They take great pleasure in mentoring others through the obstacles that are in their way. In fact, mentoring another person to success is the highest form of love in the workplace.

• They Regularly Acknowledge Others (in meaningful ways) – They place their attention on finding people doing things right, and let them know about it. Compliments are substantial, not just "great job" but rather, "I thought you did a great job with this and here's why." They pass along the good news to their seniors and always have the time to make sure the light gets properly shone on strong achievement.

• They Share Their Vulnerabilities – Great leaders are open and willing to share personal stories about their foibles and downfalls. They never present themselves as perfect. Rather, they demonstrate a willingness to reveal their vulnerabilities which, in turn, empowers others to trust them and to take risks.

You can try balancing a stool on two legs, but it's pretty difficult. Put the third leg in place, and you've got a strong foundation for solid support. As you strengthen your leadership competencies, be sure you've got three solid legs on your stool. And, if you'd like some help building the third leg, I'd recommend your read "Leadership and the Force of Love" by John R. Hoyle.